Growing Up and Saying Goodbyes

The funny thing about growing up is like one minute you know you hate bitter gourd,  and the next minute you realize that you have fallen in love with it. It's sort of like an awakening, suddenly things are clearer and you see how stupid you were.

That's how it is like for me.

I have been thinking about doodling - Why did I come back? Why did I leave? Was it influence? Was it an escape? And now I could see it clearly that I was escaping something back then, from a space that no longer belonged to me. It was easier to fall back to things that I once belonged to, like this blog. But then little did I know that I had actually grown out of it. Yes, I did.

So I guess, this is not only good bye. It's Farewell. And Thank You. For those who have stuck around; encouraged me; hoped for me; wished for me; believed in me; supported me; cheered for me and also for all those who have left me.

The thing is, I love writing digitally or physically. And I doubt that I would stop writing ever. So I have created a space of my own, specially for myself; a place where I write especially for myself and for those who love and accept me for who I really am. And also to celebrate that I am suddenly and more than ever achieved a certain clarity in my life, that I am no longer so lost anymore. The space is right here.

I will see you around then. Adios.

Because Feeling Good is Wonderful!

It’s July already, can you imagine just how fast time passes? With a blink of an eye and just a whisper of a smoke, we are already in the middle of Year 2015! 

Today, I am going to write about many things here.Year 2015 has been really awesome, and I believe all these are my own doing, I vibrate them to come to me. There are plenty of opportunities along the way that have led me to where I am now, right now, feeling giddy, happy, empowered and plainly like I am on top of the world. Oh yeah, whatever you say, I truly believe that I am capable of doing anything at all. You ain’t gonna bring me down, NOPE. 

My swimming sessions have been paying off. I am not like super-model-slim, in fact I don’t want that kinda unhealthy body image. I wanted to be fit. Taking the first step to swimming after being idle for so long was difficult, but down the road, it is all worth it. I can see my body is toning, my clothes are getting looser; my complexion is better and I sleep so well. Really, I don’t really care what you say about swimming getting broad shoulders, I love my body, I love being fit and if you don’t exercise, seriously, you have no rights to tell me which sports I should do or should not. At the end of the day, I am the one exercising, and you being in the couch potato should just stick to your couch. Hehe! 

Oh, my passion is burning, as you all know, I love diving and I am in love with it. Thinking about it makes me really happy and suddenly there are just plenty of people and dive trips coming along my way all the time. This is so wonderful and I have managed to fit in 3 diving trips on this 2nd half of the year. I am confident that I am going to make wonderful friends along the way. And I truly absolutely believe that our trips are going to be wonderful, we are making good memories and yes, we are going to see something good during our diving trips! Something rare that’s worth every conversations in the future. And most importantly, we are going to be safe, happy and alive when we return homes as planned. 

I have also fully and truthfully come into terms with my sexuality. This is something I have been struggling and confusing myself for a long while. I truly believe that sexuality is fluid and if you put it strictly, it’s just a spectrum that society puts labels on because they don’t really have conclusive answers for the entire working of it. And I am so happy that I can now be honest to myself and my friends. And I am really grateful that there are people who accept me. While there are others who question about the entire sexuality concept, too bad for you all, you are missing half the fun! Whatever it is, I believe in love. True love. To me, it’s LOVE first. Other qualities such as skin color, gender and etc, come much much much later. So YAY to myself! This is good! 

I am feeling really wonderful, like I am not even kidding or faking it. There are secrets to this positive energy that I am feeling. There are things that I have been doing to improve my body, mind and soul. You might question about my methods, but honestly, it’s nothing harmful. These are just things that you and I have come across the internet for many many times and while you are skeptical about it, I am a firm believer. At the end of the day, look who’s complaining about bad day? Definitely not me. 

 I am never stingy with my knowledge so in the next few posts, I am going to list down things I do everyday. ;)

Busy Times

I have been lazy. I have been lazy to do anything especially drawing. The irony is that this is supposedly a DOODLE blog but here I am writing and writing even more. Should I just switch side and rename it to THE NONSENSE-WRITING blog.

June has been really busy for me. A lot of activities and tons of money flowing out from my pocket. I hope that it's all worth it in the end. I have so many dive trips lining up this year, I am really excited to be honest, so excited. I pray earnestly that everything will happen and end smoothly and that everyone including myself and all whom are travelling together will have happy memories!

I bought my own equipments! Now I have full set of diving equipment already, I am ready to explore further. Oceans, wait for me, I am coming for you.

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Also, I have been eating lotsa good foods, no wonder my belly just won't refuse to budge despite how many laps I swim per week. But these desserts are out there, so tempting, so delicious....waiting for me.....

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On the other note, the weather has been too hot lately. Just few weeks prior, it was raining cats and dogs around here. I am not sure if it's because I am getting more conscious about the weather, but it seems like it just keeps weirder, plus the facts global warming is freaking real and happening at an alarming rate despite what all the naysayer says. It's scary in a way, and it keeps me wondering if I will live long enough to see the world end. If it gets this warm I think I will just move to the islands. These warm weathers seem to be better when you are near the oceans, maybe I should, one day and get myself really dark and tan.

All in all, June has been a good month, and I just can't wait for all the coming trips!
Till then, hasta la vista baby!

All is Well and Getting Better.

I think it has been approximately four months with a lot of determinations, groans, whines, complaints, pain, tears and sweats to get to this point where I feel quite healthy, quite fit and generally satisfied and happy with how my body is. And I only hope that from now on, it gets better and better.

I have always loved swimming than any other on-ground sports/activities. I love the water. It's like my natural element, something I can't explain except that I feel very much belonged in it. Maybe in my past life I was a marine live, a dolphin perhaps? I do wish so.

Going back to what I was saying, yeah I love swimming but I lost touch with it since I entered high school. I no longer swam regularly and naturally my body size increased horizontally so fast before I could even react. For years, I had been fighting with it by controlling my diet to no avail. And together with my slowing metabolism, all these fats were winning the war. I was depressed for a long while. I know it was such a stupid thing to be depressed about but I wasn't feeling confident of myself. I couldn't fit into my pants and shirts any more. The worst was, I couldn't enjoy what I love - diving. I was always tired after one simple dive and if there was current, however small, I tired out so easily that I always felt like I was going to die somehow.

Then, something happened in my life. That was it, the trigger! I thought to myself like screw it, nobody is going to take care of you if you don't do it yourself. And the first thing that I needed to change was to stop being a couch potato! (Also the fact that I am working with a 45-years-old manager who looks like he is only in his 30s because he exercises regularly kinda motivates me a lot...) On top of all that, I have somehow and miraculously ended up in the fast food industry, which means I literally cannot avoid processed food these days when product development is part of job scope... If I don't start exercising, just imagine how horizontal I would be. So that's how I have ended up swimming almost daily these days, always pushing myself to the limit each time with the hope that I could swim laps without really stopping in the future.

It has been five months now and before I even thought about it, I can now swim longer and longer and longer, without any rest! And also, I am starting to see the transformation, like how most of shirts and pants are becoming really loose and the muscles are starting to show. I am less tired, sleep better and the best thing is that I don't feel so guilty during those days when I eat a little bit more than usual.

This realization of course makes me extremely happy. I know a lot of people will tell you like you have to incorporate certain exercises to build your strength or that swimming will give you broad shoulders... Tell you what, screw them. Pick a sports you like regardless what the others say, because it's so much easier to motivate yourself to exercise when you pick a sports you really enjoy, make it a habit to do it consistently and reap the benefits later.

And most importantly, take that first step.

Something You Love.

Hello. I am back.

Time passes away so cruelly and so quickly, isn't it? Half of year 2015 has already ticked away. And what have you been doing? Have you found yourself? Meaning of love? Happiness? Have you been spending enough time with people who matter? Have you been walking to your dreams? Or are you running away from them?

These questions I have been asking the same of myself and I found myself at a roadblock. How do we define happiness really? How do we define love? Everyone has their own definitions to these abstract concepts, what's yours and what's mine anyways? To some, it's money; to another, it's food; to me though, I think it's really diving.

I liked diving, a lot. It's not until now however, that I realize just how much I am really really in love with it. I guess the feeling comes along because I hang out with the right company; and I am so glad despite the circumstances, I have decided to continue pursuing this hobby and now it has turned into a full-blown passion which I absolutely enjoy to the max. This crazy obsession of mine, may cause a lot of money but spending on something you really love; like a joy in your heart is something you can't really put a value on. How can you measure memories, laughter and friendship that you gain along the way with monetary values? At the end of the day, as long as I don't come back with huge debt and still have sufficient in my account to survive the months, all is well.

So the next time you see me going around diving, give me a high five! Because you know, I am doing something I really love, and I hope that whatever that you may doing in life, you have something or someone you love with you, just so that if life never happens the way you want or it starts throwing you lemons, you know where to get the best lemonade done and enjoy it.



I just came back from Redang Island again! And I finally took my Advanced Course, yahoo!